Standing in the Doorway of the Laundromat

Laundry products.  They used to smell so good!

Today, the strongest laundry scents smell like some kind of vitriolic pepper spray to me -- invisible firecrackers of scent popping wildly in all directions upon even the most subtle movement of a clothed body, emitting a biting, burning sensation to my nose, and affecting me like a blow to the head.  I contrast this to the old days, when I would hold freshly washed cottons to my face and sniff!  I remember the gentle, powdery, motherly scent.  How I luxuriated in the world of smells I adored!

Ironically, I had to visit Paris to find the USA fragrances of my memory.  Paris was where they'd stored those sweet and lovely, "benign" scents of my youth!  How could this be?

Ah, better laundry-toxin regulations in Europe, that's how!

In France, I didn't have to shut the car doors and windows and seal the inner vents when parked in front of a laundromat.  In France, I could not only exit my car, but I could walk -- walk, I tell you! -- to the very doorway of the laundromat and chat with the people inside!  (I didn't venture in -- I was afraid the unbelievable experience would shatter.  I was profoundly happy not to have to duck for cover.)

I am aware of how positively ridiculous this may sound to those of you who have never had to flee from physically overpowering chemical scents.  But to those of you who know this routine:  I trust you'll understand the thrill I felt just standing there -- in the doorway of a laundromat.

Cheers!

~ Carolyn

MCS Denial

Good morning!

What discourages me most from writing are those intervening, demoralizing "down" days -- days spent recovering from an unavoidable exposure to the usual, so-called "harmless" chemicals on persons and clothing.  Although I cannot help the way my body feels at such times, those recovery days have become an embarrassment to me, a black mark on my efficiency, and, as the MCS-denying world sees it, a major strike against my credibility as a human being.

Being human and feeling massively outnumbered, I, too, start thinking this way, butting my head against the wall to "feel OK" in spite of the fact that my body is shouting at me:  "REST!  REST!"

I am pushing myself through that dread-filled embarrassment to write today.  Yesterday was spent in a stupor of exhaustion -- which I, in dutiful conformity with the MCS-denying population -- denied; and so I did not rest. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have capitulated to MCS denial.   Perhaps at some point in the development of this blog, this insane people-pleasing reflex will finally leave me to make way for the truth:  I did not cause the existence of these toxins that are slowly killing me, I did not choose to be disabled by them; and I cannot help it when my entire person feels their repugnant, systemically sickening effects.

Whoever out there is similarly afflicted, may we support each other with this very serious reminder.

If you have an MCS story to relate, please share it here!

And, cheers!

~ Carolyn

Hello, Again!

Hello, again, friends . . .

Has it really been that long?

My overall health took a wallop beginning in July -- during which time the bouts of chemical sensitivity felt all the worse.  Sadly, I was not able to dedicate the focused concentration necessary to maintain and grow this site.

But Spring is in the air early (!), and I take that as a hopeful sign that, perhaps, I can redirect my health back toward sunshine again and start digging up more useful links with which to educate the public about the hidden menace of chemical sensitization -- the blooming of reactions to many similarly-based chemicals in succession.

I begin again today.

Cheers!  Wishing you increased stamina and wellness,

~ Carolyn