MCS Denial

Good morning!

What discourages me most from writing are those intervening, demoralizing "down" days -- days spent recovering from an unavoidable exposure to the usual, so-called "harmless" chemicals on persons and clothing.  Although I cannot help the way my body feels at such times, those recovery days have become an embarrassment to me, a black mark on my efficiency, and, as the MCS-denying world sees it, a major strike against my credibility as a human being.

Being human and feeling massively outnumbered, I, too, start thinking this way, butting my head against the wall to "feel OK" in spite of the fact that my body is shouting at me:  "REST!  REST!"

I am pushing myself through that dread-filled embarrassment to write today.  Yesterday was spent in a stupor of exhaustion -- which I, in dutiful conformity with the MCS-denying population -- denied; and so I did not rest. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have capitulated to MCS denial.   Perhaps at some point in the development of this blog, this insane people-pleasing reflex will finally leave me to make way for the truth:  I did not cause the existence of these toxins that are slowly killing me, I did not choose to be disabled by them; and I cannot help it when my entire person feels their repugnant, systemically sickening effects.

Whoever out there is similarly afflicted, may we support each other with this very serious reminder.

If you have an MCS story to relate, please share it here!

And, cheers!

~ Carolyn