I remember starting this blog in sunny May weather, 2011. My incentive was high and the words were all stacked up inside of me, ready to be called upon and arranged for posting. The chemical "burn" of neurological proportions needed to be described for those who had never felt it and who disbelieved that such a chemical sensitivity reaction could occur.
I set about my work, making some headway. I felt good about this venture.
Lately, I've been getting down in the dumps every time I look at this blog. I've not been able to work to bring in new readers, because I haven't had any chemical reactivity stories to tell. I've read those of others lately . . . and I've felt set apart -- left out.
Wait a minute. "Left out?" I asked myself seriously last night. "Left out" of chemical sensitivity reactions? So much so that I have nothing to write about them? "Do you realize what this means?" I asked myself.
It's really hard to get this through my head . . . but . . . for the third time or so, I'm reminded that I'm actually doing much, much better. While I miss that immediate bond with other MCS sufferers which would have inspired me to write and write and write more and more and more about this issue . . .
I've had to shore up my awareness and my gratitude. I'm getting better. When will I believe this and actually react to it? I've been so lonely looking at other people's MCS postings, I haven't been able to work through that and actually embrace the fact that I'm healing from this physiological, neurological nightmare. Strange to say, I actually think I feel a kind of "survivor guilt."
So my recovery is dawning on me slowly. Very, very slowly. I suspect that, once I can grab hold of the fact that I'm getting seriously better from MCS -- and internalize this as a reality -- only then will I be able to discern what kind of assistance I can best "offer back" to the MCS community through this blog.
After over two decades of having to give up doing this, and give up doing that, and take time off to let chemical reactions run their course, I've now got all of this leftover sludge in my system. I'm very disappointed in myself for that. This probably has a big effect on my ability to rejoice. So I've set about a walking plan. I don't care what the experts say -- one walk a day isn't nearly enough. About six walks a day, for me, would begin to turn things around. Every so often, I tell myself, "Just put that coat on and get outside."
So I've begun building up my walking length and frequency. It has to be done. In rain, in snow, sleet, hail -- whatever.
As I trudge up and down the road, each footstep reminds me that my legs still have power in them, my lung capacity can still expand, and I'm moving forward.
I'm left with questions. The first one being, "So was the chemical sensitivity actually a peripheral manifestation of Lyme disease?" I mean this in the same way that one becomes sensitive to sound, light, smells, tastes, and touch when one has a fever . . . When we're sick, our senses go on red-alert as part of the sickness. And some sicknesses affect certain bodily systems more than others.
My second question is, "When I took the herbs to wipe out the Lyme, did the herbs also chelate out some additional toxins which had been blocking my ability to recover?"
My third question is, "Did getting well from Lyme and setting everything straight immunologically simply free up my body to put up a stronger defense to common chemicals?"
All of this having been said, I realize I'm not equipped to pronounce on these answers.
These questions will probably be with me always. I drop them off here in order to inspire both reflection and hope in those who are still suffering in a big way with MCS, and in those who are trying their best to help them.
Cheers!
~ Carolyn
I set about my work, making some headway. I felt good about this venture.
Lately, I've been getting down in the dumps every time I look at this blog. I've not been able to work to bring in new readers, because I haven't had any chemical reactivity stories to tell. I've read those of others lately . . . and I've felt set apart -- left out.
Wait a minute. "Left out?" I asked myself seriously last night. "Left out" of chemical sensitivity reactions? So much so that I have nothing to write about them? "Do you realize what this means?" I asked myself.
It's really hard to get this through my head . . . but . . . for the third time or so, I'm reminded that I'm actually doing much, much better. While I miss that immediate bond with other MCS sufferers which would have inspired me to write and write and write more and more and more about this issue . . .
I've had to shore up my awareness and my gratitude. I'm getting better. When will I believe this and actually react to it? I've been so lonely looking at other people's MCS postings, I haven't been able to work through that and actually embrace the fact that I'm healing from this physiological, neurological nightmare. Strange to say, I actually think I feel a kind of "survivor guilt."
So my recovery is dawning on me slowly. Very, very slowly. I suspect that, once I can grab hold of the fact that I'm getting seriously better from MCS -- and internalize this as a reality -- only then will I be able to discern what kind of assistance I can best "offer back" to the MCS community through this blog.
After over two decades of having to give up doing this, and give up doing that, and take time off to let chemical reactions run their course, I've now got all of this leftover sludge in my system. I'm very disappointed in myself for that. This probably has a big effect on my ability to rejoice. So I've set about a walking plan. I don't care what the experts say -- one walk a day isn't nearly enough. About six walks a day, for me, would begin to turn things around. Every so often, I tell myself, "Just put that coat on and get outside."
So I've begun building up my walking length and frequency. It has to be done. In rain, in snow, sleet, hail -- whatever.
As I trudge up and down the road, each footstep reminds me that my legs still have power in them, my lung capacity can still expand, and I'm moving forward.
I'm left with questions. The first one being, "So was the chemical sensitivity actually a peripheral manifestation of Lyme disease?" I mean this in the same way that one becomes sensitive to sound, light, smells, tastes, and touch when one has a fever . . . When we're sick, our senses go on red-alert as part of the sickness. And some sicknesses affect certain bodily systems more than others.
My second question is, "When I took the herbs to wipe out the Lyme, did the herbs also chelate out some additional toxins which had been blocking my ability to recover?"
My third question is, "Did getting well from Lyme and setting everything straight immunologically simply free up my body to put up a stronger defense to common chemicals?"
All of this having been said, I realize I'm not equipped to pronounce on these answers.
These questions will probably be with me always. I drop them off here in order to inspire both reflection and hope in those who are still suffering in a big way with MCS, and in those who are trying their best to help them.
Cheers!
~ Carolyn
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