Stumbling Blocks

Good day!

Now that I've finally got this site up and running, I'm realizing that I'm also relying on it as a personal tool to convey to others (who are interested) how they can help me to be able to be around them.

I'm finding that, if people aren't thoroughly understanding the way in which toxic injury and repeat chemical exposures operate, they will keep thinking they've "got it."  Then, they will continue to be surprised, dismayed, or feeling contradicted when one of their accommodations doesn't work for me, or when a brand new accommodation is necessary.

Two things seem to "throw" people the most:

1)  The body has a variable toxic load each day, and the most minute environmental conditions can tip the scale this way or that in terms of reactivity, speed of reactivity, or strength of reactivity.

2)  The way toxins fill and cling to an environment is not often fully understood or appreciated.

Also, one further thing which becomes yet another stumbling block, on the strictly social level:

It isn't always polite or prudent for someone with toxic injury to mention every single reaction or suspected chemical trigger, even to those who are supportive of him.  Sometimes it is not prudent to do so because the other person already believes, to his own satisfaction (based upon his own level of knowledge of your difficulty), that you haven't reacted to this or that product in the past.  You look at the person, see how hard he's been trying to accommodate you, and you can't quite bring yourself to say, "You know, this product might actually be a problem for me, but I can't explain it yet."  You realize, in advance, how much time and further "testing" you'll have to do to be able to speak with some kind of certainty on the matter.  Furthermore, sometimes the person is pretty firm about how you definitely did not react to this or that. . . . . and you start to feel as though you might frankly appear to be a liar or, worse (?), a hypochondriac who is now taking things just a little "too far."

Getting past this might take time and energy that neither you nor the other person presently has.

Perhaps, for instance, you didn't choose to mention a reaction after being around others because (1) you weren't sure what was going on, at all; because they assured you they were clear of offending substances; (2) you needed to test your idea under different and repeat conditions; (3) the conditions of proximity of exposure differed each time (perhaps in one instance there were things which interfered with the travel of the scent or directed it away); and (4) you were more toxic internally on this day than on that day.  This is far too much to mention routinely even to people who are beginning to learn about this issue.  Talk about information overload!

People often assure us that they are clear of offending substances, but we must quickly realize that this assessment is based only upon their knowledge of potentially offending substances and how those substances linger in the environment.  If this knowledge is still in formation, with large gaps in their knowledge due to infrequency of exposure to this topic, many people will feel misled or disbelieving when you have to tell them that this substance, too, is a problem for you.  Perhaps they believed that this particular substance couldn't possibly have been on your "avoid" list -- when in fact it had always been on your "avoid" list, but the mention of the substance just never came up.  You assumed the substance in question wasn't present at all -- and they assumed it wasn't a problem!  If it had never come up in conversation, it couldn't have been explained or addressed beforehand.

The "testing" process behind figuring out, "Is something in this environment triggering me?" is interminable and exhausting, often requiring several bouts of severe reactivity for one to be able to say, "Something here is really bad for me."  To drag others along mentally as one goes through this process is just . . . socially unthinkable.  The way I see it, understanding toxic injury is burden enough to others, just as it is, without my mentioning every single loose thread that I'm trying to tie up as I go along.  And the process of convincing others of all these possibilities and "tests" and conclusions . . . . .

Way over the top.  I find I'm lacking both the energy and time -- and other people's energy and time! -- to go over such minute details with such frequency.  And so I ask, even beg, others who already know me to begin browsing through this blog at their own convenience to get a true "handle" on toxic injury and toxins in common products.

People have misunderstood my writing of this blog as some kind of "therapy" for me which will be able to clear my head of tensions or what have you . . . in order for me to heal -- I suppose psychologically -- from my toxic injury.  This is not the case.  I get no catharsis and no comfort from writing these posts.  On the contrary, I often get more discouraged and worn out than ever!  But one must take the time and effort to plant something if one ever hopes to see it grow.  I seek merely to disseminate accurate and useful information to further people's understanding of toxic injury and its ongoing ramifications, so that all of us may better address it and assist each other properly.

Cheers to you on this breathtaking Spring day, and happy socializing!

~ Carolyn